ADD/ADHD

» YAELB - punishment

My son 16 years old, diagnosed last year with ADHD.

He had a test on Friday, and all the week before he said he studied and he knows the material. I even came to school to give him the Ritalin, I thought he forgot to take it.

Teacher emails me that he is not in class for the test, we all worry and we found out that he actually didn't study - pretended to study and lied very successfully that all is fine (he is a good actor).

He said that he was afraid to tell us that he was procratianting and he is not ready.

As he is a drummer and has a concert in 2 weeks, I thought that he should not do it, as a punishment and a message that he had crossed the red line big time.

He claims that because we punish him, he builds more feer. My husband will not let him do the concert (he is with 2 friends in a band, sw the punishment is for them too) and I don't know what is the right thing to do.

Please advise.

Thanks.

-- posted by YAELB

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds

» holisticnurse10 - punishment

In response to punishment posted by YAELB:

I think it would be helpful to start thinking about behavior consequences, not punishment. It's true, punishment does create fear because the one who gets punished doesn't always know when the ax is about to fall, so to speak...

That's why consequences are better. And hindsight is always better than foresight, but I suggest you start setting some rules in advance---rules that when broken, have consequences. Talk about them together, post them, and always enforce them.

In this case, a good rule would be:

The consequence of not going to school is that you are grounded for _______days; that means no TV, no computer games, no previously-planned activities.

Now once this has been stated and agreed upon, your child knows what the consequences will be and he'll be less apt to break the rule, and less afraid, too.

Check out my article on ADHD and Behavior Consequences. You can find it listed on the ADD/ADHD main page.

Best of Luck. You can do this!

Carolyn

-- posted by holisticnurse10

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds