Starting Out the School Year
Advice for Parents of Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Advice for parents of children with ADHD (or ADD) on how to start out right and avoid repeating last year's mistakes.
Each September I would vow that this year was going to be different. I was going to try harder, not screw up, and get those A's my parents had been bugging me about. Around about October things would start to slide, then get steadily worse through out the school year. End of the quarter always came with a mad dash to complete missing assignments in order to get up to passing. The following quarter would have a slight surge upwards, but then decline again into the inevitable missing assignments, phone calls home, and poor grades.
My parents tried everything, but they didn't try the right things and had a very limited bag of tricks because I hadn't been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD also known as ADD). However, having been both a student with ADHD and a teacher of students with ADHD, here is my advice for parents, students and other teachers.
1. Start an open, nonjudgmental dialogue between your student and an adult. This is important and not always possible for parents to do with their children-there is too much history. If that's the case, look into hiring an ADHD coach or seeing if someone at the school can help. The goal of this dialogue is to allow the student to state what is going on and strategize with the adult on possible solutions. Did he turn in his assignments? Did he study for the test? If not, why not? There should not be negative consequences for things told here, but rather acceptance with a focus on changing things so it doesn't happen again. Speaking of making changes...
2. Don't mold the student to the system, mold the system to the student. Find something that will work with the student's personality and current behaviors. I learned this concept from Julie Morgenstern in her book, Organizing from the Inside Out. She has a teen edition of this book and I highly recommend both of them. Basically, the idea is to focus on what the person currently does and apply those principles to what they are struggling with, rather than trying to change the person's behavior. This sounds like a simple concept, but very few people seem to understand it. I see it most often with assignment books. Schools decide on an assignment book and force every student to use them.
Yes, it is important for the student to write down the assignments, but there is more than one way to do it. Try one way. If that doesn't work, try another way. Look for a system that works for the student. It can be tricky to try to change the child's behavior and much simpler to find a system that works with it instead of against it. For more information, see my article entitled ADHD and Tracking Homework: Alternatives to the Traditional Assignment Book.
3. Put the responsibilities on the student, but have a back up system. I often see parents trying to keep track of their child's assignments and grades rather than helping their child do it for themselves. It might seem easier, but it does not help teach the child the necessary skills in order for him/her to do it. Have the teacher contact you with the weekly assignments, but use it to compare with what your child has written down. Give the student a reward for every assignment he wrote down correctly. (Rewards work better than consequences here.) Another alternative is to have your child get a phone number of another student in every class. This would allow them to call and check if there are any questions about the assignment.
4. Don't expect overnight improvement. This is harder than it sounds because sometimes it means being positive and rewarding for what at first glance appears to be a failure. Consider the end of last year as a starting point. If your child failed four classes, it is easy to set a goal as passing all classes for the next year. However, at the end of the first quarter, your child is failing two classes. Many parents focus too much on the two failure and not the two successes. Your child has improved, and unless you see this as an improvement there is a high probability your child will give up (why keep trying, success is too far away and you're never satisfied). This is where your nonjudgmental dialogue from step one comes in to place. Discuss what is going wrong in the two failed classes and what has changed in the two classes your child is now passing. See what changes can be made for the next quarter. Set up consequences for the following quarter if your child's grades go down as well as rewards for grades that improve. Consider this a journey and as long as they are moving forward, encourage the journey. But don't expect to arrive at the destination overnight.
5. Define what you are expecting and hoping for in specific detail. This means you will define what behaviors (not grades) the student should exhibit and set some goals. Set up a reward system that will encourage those behaviors. Do this with, not for, your child. The more say they have the less justification they will have to complain about it later. The more short-term goals you set, the better. Example might be "brings homework home each night," "cleans out backpack once a week," and "organizes backpack and notebooks every day."
6. The sooner the better. Impatience is not a virtue many people with ADHD are blessed with. We want things now. If you want to set a long term reward for your child, make it as tangible as possible. For example, let's say your child wants a new IPOD. You promise they can have one if they pass all their classes this year. Too long term. Instead, develop a chart where your child can earn points for doing behaviors that will help them pass their classes. Lots of points for good grades on midterm reports and report cards; less points for passing tests, bring homework home, etc. Hang the chart in a visible place and make a big deal any time you get to add to it. Also, print out pictures of IPODs and paste them inside your child's notebook, on his mirror, etc. This will remind him/her what they are working for and why they shouldn't give up.
Note:The term ADHD is referring to all three subtypes of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder including the primarily inattentive subtype that is commonly referred to as attention deficit disorder, or ADD.
